Fighting the "I should have done this years ago!" voice in your head
On feeling behind in life.
“I should have got it on the first try.”
“I’m behind.”
“I wasted years chasing the wrong parameters of professional excellence when I should have been doing this in the first place.”
“I should have pivoted to this industry a few years ago when the job market in it was less saturated, now I’m only doing myself a disservice because it’s going to be so hard to get an entry-level opportunity.”
I feel exhausted just reading the lines above - now imagine thinking the thoughts listed there, over and over again.
Most of us probably don’t need to imagine it but just remember it from our own experience; we humans seem to be trained to pour “should” after “should” all over ourselves.
How modern society is structured encourages all the “shoulding”: the social media are full of other people’s highlight reels, news websites are full of “Top 10 things you should try before XYZ”, and it’s overall not a great place to be doing something different. Or being a human being, with all the ebbs and flows that come with that funny little role we were born into.
And if you are doing a career pivot, the abundance of uncertainty can nurture so many of these ugly “could have-would have-should have” thought critters that gnaw on our concentration and confidence levels, making it more difficult to do the actual learning & prepping part that will get you to the “employable” skillset level.
Lately, I’ve become very good at dealing with them. Maybe it’s a byproduct of doing enough studying to actually understand the basic language of the QA tester field. Maybe it’s all the work I’ve done on myself paying off (🎉).
Either way, I’m happy with where I am.
In the spirit of camaraderie, I wanted to share some tips on how I got to be in a place of better alignment with who I am here and now, with less resistance to my current circumstances, and higher levels of kindness to myself. I hope you are in a place where you don’t need these tips (*knock on wood*) but if you do, may they come in handy. ☕💜
What helps:
Understanding that too much pressure is put on us too early on. Here are all the things I wanted to be at 18: a professional dancer, a seamstress, an interior designer, a writer, a makeup artist, a zookeeper, a librarian. Here is one thing I didn’t even know existed when I was 18: quality assurance testing. Here’s what I’m studying now: quality assurance testing. My point? We are supposed to make these big decisions on which career path should fit at the tender age of 18 and then stay with it until retirement!? Yeah, right. Life happens and shapes us as it unfolds so it’s completely natural to change our minds as we reach new
conclusions(ahem, discoveries) about who we are right here, right now. So no, some career paths can’t have been chosen earlier because they might have not been a fit back then. Or they might not have been an option for us at all (think: TikTok influencing, AI prompter, and who knows what else!).Understanding that when we pivot to a new industry after spending some time in the job market in a different type of role, we don’t start from zero. At times during studying, I feel like once I get to the job interviewing stage, I’ll feel like I’m starting from zero. While that is true for a specific combination of tasks, it’s not true in the general sense: I know how to meet deadlines, correspond with clients, deliver engaging presentations, or ask for help. There’s a whole set of skills that are useful whatever I do that I bring to the table! (Those skills are commonly known as “transferable skills” and I wrote about them here). So yes, once I start working as a QA tester, it will be my first professional experience writing test scenarios, executing tests, and working in IT. But damn, am I good at recognizing red flags in potential employers! Ever worked for a total egomaniac with 0% emotional IQ? Yes, me too. You see? It’s all valuable experience.
Taking responsibility for what we see as our own professional “failures” and “detours” and turning them into sources of learning. I was a straight-A student who was praised generously during my formal education. Naturally, I had a very unhealthy view of failure - until I went to university, a “B” was a failure in my eyes (and even an “A-” wasn’t ideal). So I had to break and remold that part of myself over and over until it became something that helped me learn new things and dive into new experiences rather than only stay in the safe zone where I’m guaranteed to receive an “A” for my efforts. It was painful but necessary. Until we learn to see failures as the learning opportunities they are, we won’t progress as smoothly through life as we could. Every job until now taught you what you like and dislike in the workplace, your strengths and weaknesses, and your socializing preferences. It’s all valuable insights for the future! Plus, there’s a reason why I put “failure” in brackets at the beginning of this paragraph: what is considered a failure can be subjective. In my example, receiving a “B” wasn’t a sign of failure. It was a sign I was too hard on myself. So the lesson was right there, for me to adopt, just like with every other experience I considered to be a fail.
Practicing self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. You need practices to turn to when you stumble across a thought that’s too stubborn to go away on its own. Maybe for you, it’s talking to a loved one, taking a boxing class, or going for a jog. For me, these are journaling and EFT tapping, and I wrote about them here. Fun fact: I’m doing a 28-day EFT tapping challenge in March and so far, it has been going balmy. Because yes, sometimes you realize you could have done this last year when it was cheaper, easier, more in-demand, or whatever else. But then you take the ego out of the equation, decide to take note of the lessons from that failure, and practice self-acceptance for everything else. We can’t turn back time and self-blaming won’t make me get to where I want to go faster (quite the opposite, probably). It’s all about working with what is.
So that’s it in a nutshell, I think.
As cliche as it sounds, we need to be kind to ourselves.
And self-kindness is not a trait, but a habit that can be learned through regular reiteration.
Help your brain believe that good things will come out of your career pivot and that there’s a career that’s going to fit you like a glove, make you grow as a professional, meet great people, and be able to pay all your bills in time on the other side.
I’ll be here, cheering for you.
Your “My brain and me are finally on speaking terms, knock on wood” scribbler,
Andjela
🌷
Welcome to the Career Pivot Diaries where I chronicle my journey from sustainability communications to QA testing! This is where we’ll cover all things career change, such as going from entrepreneurship to 9-to-5, exploring new professional identities, and *finally* updating that dusty CV. Most importantly, we’ll explore how to see ourselves as more than our work and find a sense of safety in choosing a new path while allowing room for creative play.
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